Release Date: June 6th, 2008 Studio: Sony Pictures MPAA Rating: PG-13 Genre: Action •
Comedy Director: Dennis Dugan Writers: Judd Apatow, Robert Smigel, Adam Sandler Cast: Adam Sandler, John Turturro, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Nick Swardson, Rob Schneider Synopsis: You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, a comedy from screenwriters Judd Apatow (Knocked Up), Robert Smigel (Triumph the Insult Comic Dog), and Adam Sandler, Sandler stars as Zohan, an Israeli commando who fakes his own death in order to pursue his dream: becoming a hairstylist in New York. The Review: Disclaimer: I would like to apologize to all of my Isreali and Palestinian brothers and sisters for YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN.
Earlier today,in the middle of my lunchbreak from my dayjob at the multinational investment and dog kennel concern I work for, I called up fellow film geek Mikey to update him on my views on YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN.
"Whad'ja think?" he asked.
"Well, I was enjoying myself until I started over-thinking it," I replied.
He was incredulous. "You were over-thinking an Adam Sandler movie?"
"Yeah," I admitted.
"Are you sure you want to do that?"
"Uhhhhhhh…” was all I could say.
YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN is Adam Sandler's 12th or 13th headlining film(math has never been my strong suit-besides, does ANGER MANAGEMENT count?)and it shows.
Yup, it's been 18 years since our man Adam was a regular on "Saturday Night Live" and 21 years since he played Theo Huxtable's friend Smitty in "The Cosby Show", but you may find it hard to remember that pale,skinny teen when you first get an eyeful of the meaty, dipped-in-burnt sienna dye#4 Zohan.
Mind you, first we get an extreme close-up of the front of a man's pair of cut-off jeans, and then we get to whose wearing them- the big Z himself.
If seeing Adam Sandler in Daisy Dukes just isn't enough for you, don't worry, because in a moment, you'll get the first of several opportunities to view Zohan's full backal nudity.
Fans of female nudity will only be able to console themselves with a quick shot of Lanie Kazan's heinie.
In addition to Sandler's sandalwood skin, the likes of which haven't been seen since 1968 when Chuck Heston’s PLANET OF THE APES super all-over tan graced movie screens, Zohan sports two outrageous coifs.
The first is a massive hassidic afro and the second is a John Stamos circa 1987 cut that,in addition to a well-trimmed van dyke beard, is actually a really good look for the former Happy Gilmore.
Other well known actors including Sandler regular Rob Schneider , John Turturro and Lani Kazan are also dipped in varying vats of the skin dye to varying degrees of verisimilitude.
Okay, I admit it, at first I was laughing a lot during the first part of Zohan. The Z is an Isreali superspy with astounding abilities including catching bullets with his nose, jumping from building to building like he majored in Parkour Free-jumping while reading Frank Miller's run in Daredevil comics and wooing and loving the ladies like James Bond overdosed on that "herbal viagra" I keep getting emails about. All of that and and he sports a package even bigger than David Bowie's in LABYRINTH.
After a while I began to wonder how many stunt and body doubles and stunt body Sandler employed to fill the Zohan's massive…uh, shoes.
Is there a plot ? Sure, Zohan ditches his job as an Isreali superspy to become a hairdresser.
Okay, but is there a story too?
Well, kinda.
There's a subplot involving a Donald Trump/Daniel Clamp real estate dealer named Walbridge that kicks in about 30 minutes into the flick.Unfortunately,I completely guessed exactly what his character was about and what he was trying to do (tear down the charming "Little Palestine/Little Isreal" to put up a shopping mall) the very moment I saw a banner unrolling down the side of a brick building, unveiling his big mug for the first time in the picture. He was so boring, I kept hoping Wally Cox from ROBOCOP and TOTAL RECALL would come in and kick his ass.
ZOHAN is chock-a-block with guest celebrities. There's "The Facts of Life"'s Charlotte Rae ( looking much better now than she did in the 70s, 80s and 90s), cool icon Henry Winkler, Kevin Nealon, Chris Farley's brother, Kevin, George Takei, John McEnroe Mariah Carey and a clean-shaven Bruce Villanche.Open note to Bruce: dude, grow the beard back. You look like a collapsed souffle.
And, I swear I saw Kate Jackson in one of the scenes in the hair salon,but since she didn't have any lines maybe she didn't want any billing.
Another plus for ZOHAN is its stylish cinematography and "Reno 911!" alum Nick Swardson in a major supporting role.
Leading lady Emmanuelle Chriqui is pretty but stuck with little to do in a thankless role. Emmanuelle, if you’re reading this, let me buy you a cheeseburger.
ZOHAN the movie (not the review) suffers from an awful sense of schizophrenia, not knowing if it wants to be a goofy, over-the-top comedy or if wants Palestinians and Isrealites to wonder "why can't we just get along?"
Anyway,just after the halfway point in the film, I started thinking again. I don't know what caused it, but my brain sputtered and clanked on, like my Dad's ancient gas-powered lawn mower, and I started to regret that I was watching YOU DON'T MESS W/ETC.ETC.
Maybe it was the was the running gags involving hummus.
Why did the director (Dennis”Richie Brockelman”Dugan) feel it was necessary to show a can or a jar clearly marked "humuus" every time the showed up for Zohan to dip his chocolate in, or use it as a hair conditioner or even when it's used as a fire extinguisher? Okay, we get it.
I started to wonder how much of this film was "good clean fun" and how much of this film had me laughing at rude stereotypes?
How will THE ZOHAN play on the West Bank ?
Will our friends in Isreal and Palestine laugh at THE ZOHAN or will they be horribly offended?
Are Sandler and company doing the 21st century version of blackface here or are their jabs meant to be silly and lighthearted?
At the very least, are some of Sandler’s (and fellow conspirators Robert Smigel and Judd Apatow)best friends Isreali or Palestinian?
Even with all of the deep philosophical questions that I came up with after MESSing WITH THE ZOHAN, at this point, I didn't care enough to care.
YOU DON'T MESS WITH THE ZOHAN should have stayed under the dryer for much, much longer. Rating:
