Release Date: March 7, 2008 Studio: Warner Bros. MPAA Rating: PG-13 Genre: Adventure Director: Roland Emmerich Writers: Roland Emmerich, Harald Kloser Cast: Steven Strait, Camilla Belle, Cliff Curtis, Joel Virgel, Affif Ben Badra, Mo Zinal, Mona Hammond, Omar Sharif Synopsis: In a remote mountain tribe, the young hunter D’Leh (Steven Strait) has found his heart’s passion – the beautiful Evolet (Camilla Belle). When a band of mysterious warlords raid his village and kidnap Evolet, D’Leh is forced to lead a small group of hunters to pursue the warlords to the end of the world to save her.
Driven by destiny, the unlikely band of warriors must battle saber-tooth tigers and prehistoric predators and, at their heroic journey’s end, they uncover a Lost Civilization. Their ultimate fate lies in an empire beyond imagination, where great pyramids reach into the skies. Here they will take their stand against a powerful god who has brutally enslaved their people. The Review: It's Like Apocalypto For Dummies!
Last year I had the displeasure to review Pathfinder, a movie that sort of looked cool in the trailers and on paper but came off as a total irritation. When the trailers started popping up for 10,000 B.C. all it reminded me of was an even less cool Pathfinder that was trying to be an Apocalypto knock off. While I do my best to enter any film without preconceived notions, nothing is going to stop many a critic from comparing this to either or both of those other recent films.
Before I dive into the many flaws of 10,000 BC let me say it loud and proud; I like ID4, Stargate, and The Day After Tomorrow, heck I even enjoy Godzilla for what it is. Do I love those movies? Not by a long shot, but they are in my DVD collection and they do see the light of day at least once during the year (I'm guessing). So I'm not a Roland Emmerich hater by any stretch. Popcorn movies have a place in my life and Roland can make some good ones.
That said this movie is stunningly awful, and not in a good way. They handle what could be an epic story with the same sensibilities as Godzilla was handled and it shows. Throwing in little bits of humor (nut shots included) at moments when you might actually start to get sucked in. For the entire attempt they might as well be giving the audience a kick in the crotch.
Shit or get off the pot: You have to commit to a story like this, going half way and then asking the viewer to forgive the flaws is just the wrong way to go about it. People in 10,000 B.C did not have manicured beards, nails and hair. The women didn't have eye liner and mascara (I'm going to run with this assumption, not based on any factual evidence)...think I'm nitpicking? Stick with me it gets worse.
Ok so you have a tribe of people, all of which speaks English and all of which are clearly of different nationalities and regions. COME ON! At least cast people who look remotely alike!! Ok so when the bad guys arrive they speak another language, but once again they range in nationality…*sigh*. I get you not about all of this, one person will sound German, his brother in arms sounds like Nacho Libre, the girl next to him like she’s a reject from The O.C. (complete with smudged mascara). I was waiting for Borat to walk into frame and do some high fives.
As the story moves on they reach the bad guys home base, where not one but two forms of pyramids are being constructed by the slaves of many nations. For a few moments I get lost in my own thoughts that maybe..just maybe the aliens from Stargate will turn up and save this movie....I’m even willing to trade this Megan Fox clone on screen for Jaye Davidson and that is just WRONG!!
Every thing else is just so typical and boring, even the slave rebellion was pretty bland. It takes a mighty bad film to make the Scorpion King look like a smart flick but I’ll be dammed if this doesn’t come pretty close.
Like I said shit of get off the pot; they could have dug in and made a real epic or kept if light enough to enjoy as a popcorn flick..they chose none of the above.
At least none of these cavemen tried to sell me car insurance. Rating:
